2002-02-17-7:25 a.m.

I just woke up from a very strange dream.

I had a dream we lived in this great house, one we were renting. But I didn't have a job, and the only one I could get was to work in a fishing boat out of Alaska. As funny as that may sound, which I have to admit, even to me it's a bit humourous. I was terrified. Terrified because of all the things I've seen and heard that can go wrong on a commercial fishing vessel.

Mostly though, I was sad I had to leave Dimitri. So, Dimitri's mom [Christine] and I sat down and talked about it. She and I had a long heart to heart talk about what I should do. This part is the strange part. Christine would normally be the last one I'd look to for comfort. It's not that I dislike her or anything, actually, we get along way better now than we ever did when we were together. She's just not the person I would go seeking advice from, to me she's not that type.

At any rate, she told me I should do what I thought in my heart was best. She told me to not worry about the money, take away the need for money and see where my heart put itself. Which is pretty remarkable advice actually.

So, I dreamed the morning I was supposed to go my friends Gil and Larry came to pick me up and take me to the airport. They arrived and I told them I wasn't going to go. I could see the relief in their face at the news and I was surprised at their sensitivity. Another strange part becuase neither of them are all that outwardly sensitive. It's then I knew I made the right decision by staying.

Then I woke up.

I went into the kitchen to pour a cup of coffee while trying to figure out my dream.

Suddenly, I thought about Christine's grandmother. Her grandmother is pretty much my grandmother. Being in Colorado, and my parents from Palau which is 3000+ miles away. Growing up I never knew my grandparents, my grandmother on my mom's side and grandfather on my dad's side passed away before I was born. My grandfather on my mom's side passed away when I was one. I have my grandmother on my dad's side, but I don't know if or when I'll ever get to Palau to meet her. So, being in that position, Christine's grandmother automatically became mine.

She's a wonderful woman, near 80 I believe. She never really told me how old she is, I never really asked. She always took my side of things, she was the most understanding when Christine and I were having problems. She's everything a grandmother should be and more.

Two weeks ago, she fell down a flight of stairs. She's had a previous stroke that left her blind and everyone seems to think she pretty much missed a step and tumbled, the doctors also believe it may have been due to another stroke. Anyway, she had to have surgery to repair internal bleeding as well as brain surgery as she hit her head. She's been in ICU but hasn't come around, she's responding to voices but hasn't yet opened her eyes.

Needless to say I've been thinking about her a lot. Hoping the best for her. I've never had anyone close to me pass away. But now I sense she may be the first. I don't talk about it to anyone, I'm pretty reserved when it comes to things like that.

See, what Christine told me in her dream is something that her grandmother would have told me. Maybe my dream was just her grandmother telling me through Christine that everything would be alright. When I take away everything else from that dream, in my heart I know that's right.

d.