2003-10-01-3:14 a.m.

Yes yes, summer is offically over.

I wish I had more to say, I wish I could speak my peace. Sometimes it's not worth getting into because the pains in telling the tales is greater than the pain of just keeping it all in. Every once in a while life gets tricky and I wonder about what karmic force of nature keeps me in direst.

The more things change, the more they stay the same. My back hasn't been against the wall for a while, I guess I was getting too used to comfort. *shrug*

I know I'm being incredibly vague, but if I unload here, now, I'll be typing for the rest of the night, and day, and night.

I don't want to have worries anymore, I don't want stress in my life anymore. I'm sure that's everyone, but I'm honestly worn out. You know those Bhuddist prayer flags? I wish they had trouble flags, I'd write all my troubles on flags and hang them on strings, and let the wind carry them away. That's how much weight is on my shoulders. That's how heavy my mind is right now.

Life is a gem, each part of your life is represented by a facet on that gem. Love, health, family, money, goals...things like that. Sometimes one facet or another tarnishes and you polish to make it right. Right now my gem is entirely tarnished. So I'm not sure where to begin. What facet needs polishing first. Which side of my boat get's righted before I capsize.

As I rant and rant, anywone who reads this can be safe to know, none of this is directed at you.

Just need to get things off my chest, but not, not entirely. Just need to get it out so later I can read it and see how hopeless I was and laugh about it.

d.